He Is Risen: I did not post on Easter Sunday, not because I was depressed but because I was busy doing good things - In His Name. Praying, fasting and good deeds. Whereas Saturday was the lowest point in years, a culmination of things that just crashed about me, I forced myself to prepare things for Sunday. I was making 4 Easter meals for people in the building, as well as a mini Easter Bunny dessert table downstairs in the building. Keeping busy made things better, even when all I wanted to do was crawl into bed and give in to my thoughts, but I did not. I actually had a true Easter Miracle. Last summer I met a homeless woman named Leo in my neighbourhood. She was clearly homeless, clearly clinically mentally ill and not medicated ( she spoke to herself and others, and responded) yet she had such a beauty about her as she was singing to a butterly - that is the first time I met her. I stopped and talked with her, and she allowed me to give her a small offering. I tell you that because I would see her quite a few times in the following year or so, and sometimes she refused my help. I have seen her sleeping on Yonge Street, close to Bloor, across from stores like Prada. She always had 2 two or three green Dollarama bags, full of her world.
I offered to help her get into a woman's shelter, to a hospital and she always told me now. Sometimes she let me buy her a meal, or something to drink if that is al she wanted but most times she just told me that "they" told her not to accept anything.
The last time I saw her was a day or two before New Years very late at night. I went for a walk. All I brought with me were my keys and my phone. I had no money. I was not in the best of spirits myself, and it was bitter, bitter, bitter cold. I saw her on a side street, and I had nothing to give her. I went to her and offered her my scarf, and she said "No, He will take care of me." I asked her if I could call someone and she said to me again, "No, He will take care of me." She ran down the street and I went home.
I am ashamed to tell you that it was so cold, I was glad I still had my scarf and I remember feeling very small for that. I went home, more grateful than ever and ensconced in my plush blankets, I prayed for her, for there was nothing else I could do for her. I was thinking I should have called the police, or a shelter, or 311 but she would not have stayed on that street. Many nights I thought of her during this Covid winter and prayer for her. But the last month or so, I did not think of her or prayed for her because I became engrossed in my own life.
On Sunday morning, Easter Morning, I woke up in sunshine. It was a miracle, all the depression of the day before lifted as I prepared my sweets and my meals. I needed a lettuce and I went down the road to Whole Foods, and who do I see singing at the top of her lungs ( and beautifully!) in her slightly British accented voice, but my friend Leo. She was singing to Jesus. Her coat was literally in shreds. Her 3 green Dollarama bags were on the sidewalk. She was alive! She was my Easter miracle - and I was ashamed of myself for my depression of the day before. I know I should not be, but I was. Leo is black, and has truly beautiful features. She was wearing 2 pairs of glasses, dollar store of course. She was jubilant, and I tried to speak to her and she told me to let her sing, which I did. I only had $20 cash with me to buy my two lettuces, so I asked her if I could give buy her a meal, or give her something. She looked at me, and said, "I will take your gift". And my heart soared. She was alive! I told her I had been worried about her since I last saw her in the winter, She looked at my, almost surprised and pointed up and said, "HE takes care of me." She turned her back and resumed singing. I asked her if I could take a video of her singing and she said, "Yes, but only from the back! And she added, " in this state". So I taped her singing, for my heart. I left her there, with tears in my eyes, a lump in my throat so grateful to have seen her - there was nothing more I could do for her - and I pray I see her soon.
339 Days to 55!